Birthed by a Massage

Lately, aaand by lately I mean the last two years, life has been one roller coaster after another, and I am sure someone can relate. Along with the stressors of everyday life there have been quite a few curveballs that I have not really known what to do with so I let them build in my back. Last week, the “curveballs” had turned into massive knots in my back and the pain was almost unbearable. So, I went to have a deep tissue massage hoping for some sort of relief. I signed in at the spa and was taken to a comfy plush room to basically sign my life away. I sat there and thought “oooh, I hope I get a nice lady….” I sat and pondered and built up some ridiculous anxiety because, well, that‘s how I roll. My thoughts were interrupted by my massage therapist for the day. I looked up and up to a beautiful, tall, strong, black woman with short tight curly hair. I immediately thought, “Papa?” Now, if you have the book, THE SHACK, then you get the reference and if not, well there’s Google. This woman was the exact image of what I had in my head as “Papa” when I read this book. I immediately let all anxiety flow out of my being and followed her to the massage table in another room. I readied for the massage, praying it would work, and laughing at my brain!
I laid on the table and found a comfortable position, with my head in the donut shaped hole. She came in and turned on some peaceful-put-you-to-sleep music which was a big contrast to the Kelly Clarkson “Miss Independent“ jam that was blaring when I first got on the table. I internally smiled and settled in for an hour of glorious relief and a nap. She started, standing at my head, her hands found my shoulders and they began kneading. My eyes flew open with surprise of the fierceness of her touch. She kneaded and stretched and pushed and pulled. I knew quickly this was possibly going to be the longest hour of my life. I was not going to make it. “I should just leave now!“ She found some specific knots and then dug her elbow into them with all her weight. She asked “How’s the pain?” I could not even find my voice as I was in so much pain and convinced this woman was going to kill me!! She asked again, “How’s the pain here, not where I am but the knot? Tell me when it’s a four.” I was holding my breath thinking “Oh I am never going to be able to tell!! Is this legal!?!? OH my! It’s not really a four but I’ll tell her it is. I need relief!!!” So, I found what was left of my voice and croaked “Ok..” She left her elbow there a little longer, as if she knew I was lying!! “Well, it was almost a four” I thought. I waited for the release thinking this woman had lost her ever living mind!! I noticed my hand tingling and when I thought I could not take anymore she released me from the excruciating pain that radiated through my every fiber and I sighed with relief as she spoke softly, “Faith, remember to breathe. Slow deep breaths.”
“Right.” I said, gearing up for her next means of torture. She worked my back and shoulders in ways I am not sure they are supposed to be worked. Everything was now hurting. This did not feel good and I could not take a nap this way! “What a terrible process to relieve the pain!!” I thought. My eyes didn’t close peacefully, no they closed in a squint trying to imagine the pain was not real and I was really on a beach somewhere. Yes, a beach, and the CD was really the ocean’s waves hitting the white sands that glistened beneath the warm sun, yes and then my eyes popped open. “Wait what is she doing? She’s not kneading anymore…OH that feels nice…like a warm band-aid for all the pain she just inflicted.” My mind was at more ease as she drug a warm towel over my back a few times and then lined my spine with hot stones. I heard my entire body sigh with relief, thankful THAT was over, however, my mind knew it was not fully over. My heart began pounding not really knowing what her next move was. That was not an hours worth of kneading. So, she moved to my legs. “Oh this shouldn’t be bad. I don’t have any pain or knots there.” So I was able to just relax and peacefully close my eyes. She found a bruise on my leg, and I flinched slightly. She asked “Is that tender?” I said “yes.” She continued massaging the same bruised spot this time gently but still effective. She moved on to my left leg, that I reminded myself had no bruises. SO, I readied myself for a peaceful few moments with no trying muscles or bruises. I was relaxing, enjoying the warmth on my back and the contrasting coolness on my exposed arms. The tingling peppermint lotion/oil she pumped from the holster on her side was a pleasure to smell. The scent filled the room as she worked.
“WHAT was THAT!?!” My eyes popped open and my leg kicked up!!
“Does that hurt?” she asked as she kneading my inner calf.
My first thought, “Nooooo, I just kicked to see if YOU were awake!! YES THAT HURT!!!” but all I managed to voice was “A little. I did not know that was there.”
I readied my being for what was coming and chanted in my head, “More kneading, more pain to release pain from something hiding in my leg, it gets worse before it gets better, more kneading, getting the stress out, getting the impurities out? Wait…what? She reminded me of Papa…what? Could this deep tissue massage be parallel to what God does in my life? He gives my heart a deep tissue massage. God, I am supposed to be here able to relax! Now is NOT the time to draw some weird parallel to life from an already painful experience that probably won’t even work!” but as we all know my mind kept going and I was no longer bothered by the “pain” this woman was putting me through. It was time to flip over and she started working on my arms, hands, feet and face. My mind was in full gear. Thinking back to all the pain I was paying her inflict on me. “She didn’t even let up when I told her the pain was a four. She knew, like God knows exactly when to give or take away something in my life. She kneaded until there was no more evidence of the knot, like He kneads my heart to get me out of myself so He can fill me with Him. OH!! Then she got to my leg and found a tender bruise and knots I didn’t even know existed. Just like He can see the fresh bruises or scars in my heart from pain in my life. But He doesn’t stop the refining process at all, He is still gentle with His loving hands kneading effectively for me to learn. He can knead the innermost crevices in my heart to remove things I do not even know I have hidden there. And when He’s done kneading those areas that I was not even consciously aware were hindering my life, I feel better. While the process may hurt and cause discomfort the end result is a closer walk and more of Him. The end result makes the “process”, the “kneading” worth it all.” I sighed and looked at the ceiling, but only for a second because the peppermint greatness was apparently cleaning out my tear ducts for me and when I opened my eyes, they filled with “water” (I say water because I was NOT crying…go ahead…roll your eyes…but do mark it on your calendar!)
She finished shortly after that and I smiled. She left the room and I was refreshed. Sore as all get out with only minor relief but refreshed. I thanked her as she gave me my bottle of water, you know, to wash out all the impurities she had “awakened”. I walked to my car, my eyes still pouring, and I laughed to myself wondering if people thought I was crying after leaving the spa! I got to my car and sighed as I looked at the ridiculous amount of texts awaiting on my phone. The next couple of days I was so sore like someone had beat me, and well, technically I had been beaten. However, as each day went by the pain eased a little more. I am thankful that I went through with the painful process and endured even when I thought I would not survive the pain. For now, a week later, I am for the most part pain free and feel like I have a somewhat normal back.
This “parallel” may not be an epiphany or solve anything; however, we all know about “the process“, and sometimes it sucks but I know that I know the result, whatever it may be, is worth every pain inflicted, every tear shed and every bruise worked over. Draw from this what you may and bless your heart for reading, but I hope that you at least enjoyed a good read and maybe laughed at or with me because either is fine!

Comments

i read this just at the right moment. wow! that was a powerful post.
Faith said…
I am glad you gained from it!! much love!!

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