Perfect Ink
Reading
and the paper calls
Reading
and I can’t focus
So, I toss the blank pages
on the floor that calls
“Lay out on me”
I choose my pen carefully
for I am not sure where
this journey is heading.
But I am here—
prostrate on the floor
and the ink flowing out in
a dance that has lately
been replaces
with the click-click-click
of the keys.
Oh—this—
This soulful ink that is
waiting
for the dam to
break————————————————
But is there a dam this time?
Sure, I cried a little
at the initial break
but I can’t find the tears anymore.
I can’t find the anger.
I can’t find the care.
Could it be that I’m so
jaded that rejection is
just in stride now?
No.
Possibly, this is a sign of growth
Spiritually
for me.
Quite possibly all of those
prayers that I covered
him-us-me-him-us-me
in were answered.
Quite possibly this is what
it is to truly
“Just trust [Him].”
Quite possibly this is me—
prostrate at His throne.
Quite possibly….
The still small voice
over powers all of the noise of
“You’re not enough….”
“pretty enough”
“thin enough”
“too needy”
“too nerdy”
“too this and not that”
Because in His image I am.
And that still small voice
reminds me ever so gently.
This is not about me—at all.
So, while I may not understand
Your ways….
that said “Go.”
that said “Feel.”
that said “Just trust me.”
Here I am….
I went.
I felt.
and I am still trusting.
I have no clue what his future holds.
I have no clue what my future holds.
But what I do know——
is that You are holding them both.
You are holding me.
You are holding my future.
I know that you have yet to fail me—
even when I am unclear of what just happened.
I know there’s a bigger picture
and this….
this is only a glimpse.
So, if this was for You to work
in my life, testing my trust
in his life, whatever that is
then so be it.
For once I am at peace.
I am not questioning
—(Well, I have like 2 questions)—
but they can wait
Because I am basking in
Your peace-
Your love-
Your Pen
that’s writing in the perfect ink.
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