A Parent's Love
Parenting...
What a humbling experience…
yet, what a rewarding experience.
"For God so loved the world,
that he gave his only Son,
that whoever believes in Him
should not perish but have eternal life."
- John 3:16
You see, I have these two babes and oh, how I love them. How I love them as if I felt every kick in the womb, saw their first smile, heard their first cry, or kissed their first bo-bo.
Circumstances being what they were deemed in God’s perfect will, they are now mine. And we are in the throes of life together. Its definitely an adventure!
But oh, the lessons they are teaching me and they don’t even know it.
Every decision now hinges on them.
Literally.
E.V.E.R.Y.
decision.
Parenting….
Is hard.
Plain and simple.
It. Is. Hard.
And one may not understand just how hard, until you’re in it.
And I mean, neck deep, constantly singing Dory’s anthem “Just keep swimming" in it...
However, you’re loving it—
like really loving it all—even the hard stuff, like vomit at 3am (because you remember the lonely nights of not having this and you know just how precious time is).
But, then there are other moments, like the overwhelming guilt when a 5 year old has the ability to tick you off like no other…
And you really don’t understand it.
(He is 5 and I am 33. This shouldn’t be an issue, right?!)
But, he sits at the table and cries because the supper you sweated over isn’t good enough or isn’t McDonalds or pizza.
And he whines.
And he tries to make you concede.
And you have to swallow —and I mean swallow hard— the 5 year old rising up in you.
You’re washing the dishes and he’s still at the table….
playing with the food…
and whining.
And every one of your last nerves are gone…..(because as a mother, you have multiple last nerves, apparently).
and you can feel it all rising in you….
and then…
that still small voice stops you.
This.
This is a mirror in my face.
Parenting…
What a mirror image of how God must feel at times with my complete disregard and complacency towards His love and sacrifice.
How many times have I been at the table whining and crying because I wasn’t getting my way???
How many times have I been at the table whining and crying because I wasn’t happy, but my Father knew what was best?
How many times have I been that one at the table?
How many times have I sat and refused and said “I don’t want to anymore"?
Parenting,
you win.
How many times has He been the one who loves me through my fits at the table?
How many times has He allowed me to live out the consequences of my fits all in the name of His Love?
Oh, how I only think I am beginning to get a glimpse of His love.
Often times, when life doesn’t go our way, when we are being forced to eat an apple slice instead of a piece of candy, we pitch and rebel. We really let the ugly out.
We are guilty of believing that if everything is going well…going our way…then God’s love abounds and we are in His will.
However, the truth is sometimes His will is in the middle of the fire (Daniel 3) and it is because He loves us so. We may not understand the circumstances or why we are in the fire. But if we stay focused on Him and truly rest in Isaiah 55:8-9, then the apple is sweeter than the chocolate that we originally wanted.
At some point every day, I look at Jimmie and thank the Lord that I never gave up. While I wanted to, and I might not have always made the best decisions and wasted years sitting at that table whining and pitching a fit and being jealous and bitter, God truly knew what was best for me. There's not another man on this planet for with whom I am meant to be.
In our unfaithfulness, He remains faithful. In our fit pitching and whining, His love never fails. It is only He who makes us worthy.
"Know therefore that the Lord your God is God,
the faithful God who keeps covenant and
steadfast love with those who love Him
and keep his commandments
to a thousand generations."
-Deuteronomy 7:9
Until next time, dearies!
P.S.
Check out this song:
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