Faith's Findings

This post is different. This post is a collection of thoughts and feelings since Libby was born. So, it has been written over the span of 8 months. The fourth trimester.  “It’s for true,” in the words of my 6 (now 7) year old.  This post has been a journal of entries in the notes app on my phone. It’s not always pretty.  It’s not all sweet baby smells and snuggles.  And it’s certainly not always talked about. In fact, I had never heard of it until I lived it.  We should be talking about it.  In the days following Libby’s birth, I fully expected myself to bounce back. It took me more than a week to let it sink in that I needed to recover. I had had major surgery. I had been cut wide open and life pulled from within me. And literally a part of my body was now existing—breathing—on the outside.  Truth is, I needed to let other people help and rest. I needed to heal. But, I would get frustrated from the pain or that I could...

It has taken me almost two months to be able to really pen this down—partly because I’ve been taking care of a newborn and partly because it’s emotional. After I’ve been able to process it, I still find myself in tears. I’m emotional and thankful and hormonal. So, while this may not be the best post and it’s long, it is documenting one of the scariest and most beautiful times in my life.  Sunday, February 17, 2019 I woke up just like any other Sunday, except I wasn’t 100%. I had Jimmie check my blood pressure and while it was a little high, it was not over the numbers our doctor gave us.  “Anything over 160/100, then you need to come in!” Got up. Got dressed. Went to church. Had lunch. Came home and everyone took a nap, mainly because I just didn’t feel good. I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong, but just that I didn’t feel good. Something was off, but I just didn’t know what.  Around 4, I had Jimmie check my blood pressure again.  It was...