Faith's Findings

33 begins today.   32 was an eventful year to say the least.   32 brought me closer to the Lord despite circumstances.   32 brought boxes and lots of them. 32 brought purging. 32 brought hope. 32 brought me my future husband, my forever . 32 made me a mom.   Oh, and I finished my Masters, which seems insignificant in light of everything the Lord has been up to.   But, above all that 32 brought me, it brought me a new understanding of God’s sovereignty, His love, and His mercy. I know I sound like a broken record when I say that I’m in awe of what the Lord has done and how He chose me for this journey. But, I will say it until there’s no breath left in me.   For years, literal years, I have prayed for my future husband and for a family of my own. For years, I have dreamed of seeing Christmas through my own children’s eyes. For years, I have prayed for the shoulders that would hold me when I just couldn’t anymore that day. ...

An Open Letter:  To the person who has caused my family so much grief the past few months: You have proven yourself to be the most selfish person that I know—and I teach teenagers, that really says something. You have proven yourself to be more manipulative and conniving than anyone ever suspected. You have used your words like swords; your actions like boulders—cutting and crushing everyone and everything in your path. You honestly believe the lies that you have spread. Man, you are a real piece of work.  But, I don’t want to spend this letter hashing out everything that has happened. There’s a 15 page handwritten letter in the notebook on my coffee table that does just that. What I do want to do here is thank you. Thank you for this crazy season. In your craziness, I have been able to learn more about my Lord. Yes, there are days when I would love nothing more than to shake you or throat punch you, but the fact that I haven’t is proof that He is working.  ...

Isn’t it? I can’t be the only one that is living this. God is still performing miracles, and I know that I am not the only one who has witnessed such. And, once again I feel as though I should have a disclaimer that this blog entry is going to be nitty gritty and personal and all that good stuff!, which is why I have struggled with posting it, but I can't be the only one. So, let’s just get to it. So, my “love life” has been, well, interesting and crappy. I am in no way pretending that my “love life” has been worse than the next persons, but it has been mine, my story, and well, it’s some beautiful crap—seriously. I have been lead on, lied to, and cheated on. I have been the object of someone’s secret life. I have believed the lies from spiraling mind games; lies that told me I was nothing.   (Believe me; you’ll want to read the book when it comes out, so I won’t go into too much detail.) I was left with an empty shell of a person; a person that had to be rebuilt, redefin...

January 11, 2013 If I wrote in a diary every day, today’s entry would read something like this: Today, January 11, 2013, was a day full extreme emotions. I grieved, laughed, cried for joy and grief, but most of all, I lived. I saw life ending, life beginning and life being. I saw life through the eyes of dirty little boys and heard the laughter and mystery of a lioness’ roar. I saw grief in the eyes of a 12 and 7 year old that I love dearly. I saw God’s merciful hand in a single tear drop. I laughed til my head hurt over some kings and queens and good food. I was “mama fefe” until my ovaries literally ache with desire. I was welcomed by a goat of all things. Confessions flowed from tongues and fell on open, prayerful hearts. Tonight, as I reflect on this day, I am exhausted and thankful that today I felt every emotion that I felt. I am thankful that today, I lived. I wept for the memories mercifully taken from the future. I cackled at the yesteryear’s ignorant bliss and today’s...