Faith's Findings

The Extremes “I finally got my epidural” “I’m leaving the ER. I’m having a miscarriage”  Two texts I received back to back from two close friends.  The shortest rollercoaster of emotions ever.  And never have I been more aware of making sure I was on the correct feed with my responses. I remember the joy and the sorrow of both of the experiences. Life and death. Joy and sorrow. Hopeful and hopeless. Beginnings and endings. And all this…never forgetting that you would have been 2 this week. The Damn Dam Making the drive to Walmart A few last minute items to help us get through the next few days And the dam breaks And I can’t stop it…no matter how much I will it to…. The tears keep coming. I drove to my moms. I just needed a hug. And I voiced the thoughts…. “But what if its a freak thing? I can’t raise three kids by myself.”  “My kids are triggered. Gracee literally said ‘I thought he was indestructible’.” “I know physically he will be okay...

What if I told you the mark of the beast was your cell phone ? Or social media? Would you be as irrationally outraged? Did you know that at one time the barcode was thought to be the mark of the beast? Or that the microchip you’re so worried about is in your hand right now as your reading this—in your phone?  Do you really read all of those terms and conditions that you accept so freely?? If you did, then I’d be willing to bet that a “microchip vaccine” would be the last of your worries.  There’s nothing in phase 3 about a vaccine. We make it to Phase 2 and schools can open.  Sure, there will be changes. But here’s a newsflash: There are always changes! And just for good measure: schools are not a daycare.  Stop believing and sharing everything you see on the internet. Y’all, just stop.  Stop posting every little and big conspiracy theory. Y’all, stop. Seriously.  I’ve always said that I’d like to think I’d stand u...

To the woman who birthed my children  I didn’t know you while you walked this earth.  I don’t have memories of you or with you. I don’t have a knowledge of how your voice sounded—how you smelled— or how you laughed. I don’t have memories of you to share at all.  But, what I do share with you is a love of your—my—our children.  In fact, the only version I know of you is through the stories of memories from your children. Isn’t that the best way to be remembered?  I know that you prayed for me. While you were fighting for your life, you were praying for me. Maybe not by name, but specifically for the new momma your children would have.  It’s hard for me to fathom the strength you had to do that, when I look into the eyes of the child I did carry. When I look into her eyes, I can’t imagine the resolve you had within yourself that you wouldn’t see Gracee and Titus grow up. Oh, the faith you had to believe He would take care of your babies....

"Disney+ on the TV—The kids’ giggles in the living room—I’m working on my Thanksgiving dishes for tomorrow, and my sweet hubby will be on his way home from work shortly—the scene used to be one that was just a far off dream I had in my heart. And now, it’s a beautiful reality. It’s my beautiful reality. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and awe at just how good God is. #thankful #blessed #littlethings #tuppertales" I posted the above as a quick snapshot to document a moment and emotion last night. The kitchen was a mess and the noise was constant, but I couldn’t help my gratitude that this was exactly what I’ve prayed for for years.  Husband. Kids. Baking. Cooking. Disney on a loop. Christmas lights. I mean, it really couldn’t get more perfect. It is exactly what my heart has desired for so many long years.  Is it perfect? No.  Would I change it? No. It is beautiful.  My older kids and I saw Frozen 2 this week. Y’all. Disney has done it ag...

It has taken me almost two months to be able to really pen this down—partly because I’ve been taking care of a newborn and partly because it’s emotional. After I’ve been able to process it, I still find myself in tears. I’m emotional and thankful and hormonal. So, while this may not be the best post and it’s long, it is documenting one of the scariest and most beautiful times in my life.  Sunday, February 17, 2019 I woke up just like any other Sunday, except I wasn’t 100%. I had Jimmie check my blood pressure and while it was a little high, it was not over the numbers our doctor gave us.  “Anything over 160/100, then you need to come in!” Got up. Got dressed. Went to church. Had lunch. Came home and everyone took a nap, mainly because I just didn’t feel good. I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong, but just that I didn’t feel good. Something was off, but I just didn’t know what.  Around 4, I had Jimmie check my blood pressure again.  It was...

I started this entry in late January. As with a lot of my posts, I was letting it sit for a while before coming back to it. So here I am, coming back to it after Libby was born and it’s taken a whole other journey on its own. However, I think it’s perfect and leads into my next post that’s been sitting and still being written.  I once joked about going for a monthly massage at my chiropractor, saying that I was paying for my monthly dose of physical touch. There was a time in my life where I would go days or weeks without touching another human. Isn’t that bizarre?  It’s especially bizarre to me now because I can’t go five minutes without being touched.  But see, these pictures are precious to me. These moments, I truly do cherish them.  My time with Gracee and Titus started years after their birth, so in some ways we are all playing catch up.  In God’s goodness, He gave us each other in His time. And in a way that can o...