Faith's Findings

"Disney+ on the TV—The kids’ giggles in the living room—I’m working on my Thanksgiving dishes for tomorrow, and my sweet hubby will be on his way home from work shortly—the scene used to be one that was just a far off dream I had in my heart. And now, it’s a beautiful reality. It’s my beautiful reality. I am overwhelmed with gratitude and awe at just how good God is. #thankful #blessed #littlethings #tuppertales" I posted the above as a quick snapshot to document a moment and emotion last night. The kitchen was a mess and the noise was constant, but I couldn’t help my gratitude that this was exactly what I’ve prayed for for years.  Husband. Kids. Baking. Cooking. Disney on a loop. Christmas lights. I mean, it really couldn’t get more perfect. It is exactly what my heart has desired for so many long years.  Is it perfect? No.  Would I change it? No. It is beautiful.  My older kids and I saw Frozen 2 this week. Y’all. Disney has done it ag...

This post is different. This post is a collection of thoughts and feelings since Libby was born. So, it has been written over the span of 8 months. The fourth trimester.  “It’s for true,” in the words of my 6 (now 7) year old.  This post has been a journal of entries in the notes app on my phone. It’s not always pretty.  It’s not all sweet baby smells and snuggles.  And it’s certainly not always talked about. In fact, I had never heard of it until I lived it.  We should be talking about it.  In the days following Libby’s birth, I fully expected myself to bounce back. It took me more than a week to let it sink in that I needed to recover. I had had major surgery. I had been cut wide open and life pulled from within me. And literally a part of my body was now existing—breathing—on the outside.  Truth is, I needed to let other people help and rest. I needed to heal. But, I would get frustrated from the pain or that I could...

It has taken me almost two months to be able to really pen this down—partly because I’ve been taking care of a newborn and partly because it’s emotional. After I’ve been able to process it, I still find myself in tears. I’m emotional and thankful and hormonal. So, while this may not be the best post and it’s long, it is documenting one of the scariest and most beautiful times in my life.  Sunday, February 17, 2019 I woke up just like any other Sunday, except I wasn’t 100%. I had Jimmie check my blood pressure and while it was a little high, it was not over the numbers our doctor gave us.  “Anything over 160/100, then you need to come in!” Got up. Got dressed. Went to church. Had lunch. Came home and everyone took a nap, mainly because I just didn’t feel good. I couldn’t tell anyone what was wrong, but just that I didn’t feel good. Something was off, but I just didn’t know what.  Around 4, I had Jimmie check my blood pressure again.  It was...

     For months, Jimmie and I have been in and out of courtrooms and attorney offices over our children. One in which was such a happy occasion where I was able to legally call them mine through the gift of adoption. It is not lost on me the beauty here or that this is an answer to their biological mother’s prayers. I am humbled to be given such a gift and journey.       Other times we’ve been fighting to keep our children and keeping their physical and emotional well beings safe. And because I am struggling, I physically cannot type anymore about this with details because I’m struggling with words. Correction: I’m struggling with Christ-like words.       I let my kids play barefoot at the park just the other day. I sat and watched my kids be kids. I listened to the screams, the giggles, the shrieks of delight. I watched as my Elsa chased my Captain America. And grief and courtrooms were a million miles away.  Th...

  Motherhood.   Motherhood: Isn’t it funny? One day you are walking along, getting ready for a new school year, living your life, and then the next day, you have kids. NO? That’s not how it is for everyone? Ha! My journey to motherhood has been anything but traditional or conventional. There wasn’t 9 months of preparation for a child. There was a coffee date that turned into seeing “The Emoji Movie” two days later, and the 4 of us have never looked back. We just were. We just fit. We just are. This whirlwind of motherhood has come into my life like a wrecking ball. (I’m sorry for the Miley reference, but it fits.) Motherhood has rearranged my priorities. These two littles have rearranged my heart and passions. I see the world differently. I do things differently. Motherhood is interesting. It is a joy and it is exhausting in the most rewarding way. I have recently kept a log of a few motherhood observations. I do the weirdest t...