Motherhood
My journey to motherhood has been anything
but traditional or conventional. There wasn’t 9 months of preparation for a
child. There was a coffee date that turned into seeing “The Emoji Movie” two
days later, and the 4 of us have never looked back. We just were. We just fit.
We just are.
This whirlwind of motherhood has come into my
life like a wrecking ball. (I’m sorry for the Miley reference, but it fits.)
Motherhood has rearranged my priorities. These two littles have rearranged my
heart and passions. I see the world differently. I do things differently.
Motherhood is interesting. It is a joy and it is exhausting in the most
rewarding way.
I have recently kept a log of a few
motherhood observations.
I
do the weirdest things:
I have had to change a stuffed duck’s diaper
before bed.
I have had to throw away pine cones that are
hidden in their rooms for projects.
And when they have energy and you don’t, you
lay on the couch and make up games for them to burn energy like go get this toy
and run to get it.
I have scrubbed ink off of a sweet face because he wanted
to like Mario.
I once sat down to potty and realized that it was the
first time I had sat in literal hours.
I know all about bowel movements of other people.
I
observe life differently:
Bumper stickers. You wish they were censored or that your
kids couldn’t read them.
Birthday parties can be so awkward for
parents. I’ve been to
Chuck-E-Cheese three times in a month!! Actually, in three weeks, but who’s
counting?
Thirst is a real struggle at bedtime, and so
are tummy aches. And finding the right stuffed animal, which may be the same
stuffed animal as the previous night, but just with a different name.
If you need to leave by 1:30, then you start putting
shoes on and loading up at 1:10.
Being full is relative. Kids get full. But then, they
mysteriously always have room for that one thing they want to eat like banana
pudding or ice cream or a piece of candy.
Target is different with kids and that dollar
section is everything they NEED; but, I can’t blame them. I feel the SAME way. Just ask Jimmie!
Titus has students. Sometimes they’re
friends, but really, they’re students. He is a teacher’s kid.
Gracee loves her a list.--Nature vs. Nurture,
people.
I
say the weirdest things:
“Cotton is not poisonous”
“You’re not spider-man. You cannot jump off
of that.”
“Why are you sniffing me?”
“Don’t pick up the table.”
“Get your chicken and come on.”
“Get your hand out of your pants.”
“If you don’t lay down and go to
sleep…then….uh….something bad is going to happen.”
“Don’t pee in the bathtub!”
“Why was your head in the toilet?”
“Let’s not bark at the table.”
“Stop galloping and walk.”
I “guess what” 473 times a day.
Motherhood is sounding like a broken record.
My record sounds something like this: “Shut the door.” “MA’AM.” “Shut the door”
“Inside voice.” “SIR.” “Shut the door. “Get your hand out of your pants. “Ma’am.
Sir. Ma’am. Sir” “Get your hand out of your pants.” “Inside voice.”
I
am told or asked the weirdest things:
“What is my life going to be like when I grow
up?”
“You don’t need daddy! What do you need?”
“It lit with witches (matches).”
“Why do you have a knife? You know I know
karate!”
“You don’t bring paper. You bring dollar
bills.”
“I want to see what’s in your nose.”
“My stomach is so big after I eat I can hold
it!”
“I like your wobbly stuff.” (referring to the
fluff on my arm)
After watching Home Alone, “Mom, come look at
my trap!!”
Titus has the motto for life: “I got my haircut.
I’m awesome. I’m ready for this!”
And then, in this particular journey,
motherhood is holding your little ones tight as they grieve their
birth mother.
I
will say it again: my journey to motherhood has been anything but traditional
or conventional. There were no pregnancy tests. There was no morning sickness.
And, there definitely wasn’t 9 months of preparation for a child. There was a
coffee date that turned into two days later, the four of us seeing a movie, and
we have never looked back.
My
9 months was 12 years of hoping, waiting, wishing, and praying. Many times, I
felt like Sarah in the Bible. I was the one who prayed and prayed for a husband
and children, but instead got to watch everyone else get the answer to her
prayers. There were seasons of darkness
and bitterness and disobedience. There were seasons of wanting to run away
rather than have to sit at another wedding or baby celebration. I say all of
this to say I have been there. I have been there when hope seemed to be a
distant idea. I have been there in the darkest of days.
This
journey has been long and full of disappointments, full of heartaches, full of
lonely nights; but it has also been full of joy, hope, and a relationship with
a merciful God, whose ways are higher than mine. During this journey of
motherhood, I have learned a lot about myself, the world, the Lord, and this
life. He has been merciful and deemed me worthy of a beautiful story that only
He could write. He has kept me close on the darkest of days. He has reminded me
that it’s not about me. It’s not about my timing. It’s not about what I think I
need when I think I need it. It is truly about Him and His ways.
Sometimes,
I find myself having to pause because I have to remind myself that this is real
life and I am raising children. Sometimes,
I find myself overwhelmed that I am making decisions that affect these
children. I am raising these children. There are no instruction manuals. And
here I am, and I don’t really know what I’m doing, but I know I’m having fun
while doing it.
I
do know this. I would not change one thing about this journey. I would not
change one lonely night, one season of darkness, one ounce of bitterness.
Because through all of that, He has kept me close. He has refined me. He has
been and will be glorified.
Motherhood:
Isn’t it funny? One day a bumper sticker is just a bumper sticker and the next
it becomes a long conversation. Motherhood changes you.
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