Faith's Findings

I started this entry in late January. As with a lot of my posts, I was letting it sit for a while before coming back to it. So here I am, coming back to it after Libby was born and it’s taken a whole other journey on its own. However, I think it’s perfect and leads into my next post that’s been sitting and still being written.  I once joked about going for a monthly massage at my chiropractor, saying that I was paying for my monthly dose of physical touch. There was a time in my life where I would go days or weeks without touching another human. Isn’t that bizarre?  It’s especially bizarre to me now because I can’t go five minutes without being touched.  But see, these pictures are precious to me. These moments, I truly do cherish them.  My time with Gracee and Titus started years after their birth, so in some ways we are all playing catch up.  In God’s goodness, He gave us each other in His time. And in a way that can o...

     For months, Jimmie and I have been in and out of courtrooms and attorney offices over our children. One in which was such a happy occasion where I was able to legally call them mine through the gift of adoption. It is not lost on me the beauty here or that this is an answer to their biological mother’s prayers. I am humbled to be given such a gift and journey.       Other times we’ve been fighting to keep our children and keeping their physical and emotional well beings safe. And because I am struggling, I physically cannot type anymore about this with details because I’m struggling with words. Correction: I’m struggling with Christ-like words.       I let my kids play barefoot at the park just the other day. I sat and watched my kids be kids. I listened to the screams, the giggles, the shrieks of delight. I watched as my Elsa chased my Captain America. And grief and courtrooms were a million miles away.  Th...

Reading and the paper calls Reading and I can’t focus So, I toss the blank pages  on the floor that calls  “Lay out on me” I choose my pen carefully  for I am not sure where this journey is heading. But I am here— prostrate on the floor and the ink flowing out in a dance that has lately  been replaces with the click-click-click of the keys. Oh—this— This soulful ink that is  waiting for the dam to break———————————————— But is there a dam this time? Sure, I cried a little  at the initial break but I can’t find the tears anymore. I can’t find the anger. I can’t find the care. Could it be that I’m so  jaded that rejection is just in stride now? No. Possibly, this is a sign of growth Spiritually for me. Quite possibly all of those prayers that I covered him-us-me-him-us-me in were answered. Quite possibly this is what it is to truly “Just trust [Him].” Qu...

I cast my vote. But before I did, my eyes scanned up and down both parties. My heart sank and my stomach turned. The names on both lists are disheartening--each for their own reasons.  Then my heart began---Lord, I'm sorry. I don't know which button to push. I am struggling with this election more than I have with any other election. And for some reason, my heart breaks.  I love my country. I love our democracy. I sometimes think I'd like to get into politics, but I don't want to sell my soul.  My pawpaws fought faithfully for this right to vote and here I am not even sure what I am voting for anymore.  I know who I don't want in office, but I'm not sure I want any of these names in office. I know that He is Lord regardless of who sits in the Oval, but.... See, there's always that but. And maybe, just maybe that's where my problem lies. Maybe there shouldn't be that "but." Maybe, I should rest in the fact that I know the One who holds the s...