Faith's Findings

The Extremes “I finally got my epidural” “I’m leaving the ER. I’m having a miscarriage”  Two texts I received back to back from two close friends.  The shortest rollercoaster of emotions ever.  And never have I been more aware of making sure I was on the correct feed with my responses. I remember the joy and the sorrow of both of the experiences. Life and death. Joy and sorrow. Hopeful and hopeless. Beginnings and endings. And all this…never forgetting that you would have been 2 this week. The Damn Dam Making the drive to Walmart A few last minute items to help us get through the next few days And the dam breaks And I can’t stop it…no matter how much I will it to…. The tears keep coming. I drove to my moms. I just needed a hug. And I voiced the thoughts…. “But what if its a freak thing? I can’t raise three kids by myself.”  “My kids are triggered. Gracee literally said ‘I thought he was indestructible’.” “I know physically he will be okay...

What if… What if she/he never comes back? What if…. "Does that change the sovereignty of me, God Almighty?" "Does that change that I Am the Great I Am?" "Does that change that I am still on the throne?" What if the circumstances don’t change? "Does that change Who I AM?" "Does that change the Promises I have made?" "Does that change My Love for you?" What about the glimpse of hope that the circumstances are changing? "Circumstances change with the wind, but I remain the same." "Is your hope in Me? Or in the circumstance?" “Or in the outcome?” “…when the test says no baby.” "Keep your eyes on Me." “…when the diagnosis is cancer.” "Keep your eyes on Me." “…when the waiting is too much.” "Keep your eyes on Me." “…when the betrayal knocks you on your face.” "Keep your eyes on Me." I know I've written posts like this...

Reading and the paper calls Reading and I can’t focus So, I toss the blank pages  on the floor that calls  “Lay out on me” I choose my pen carefully  for I am not sure where this journey is heading. But I am here— prostrate on the floor and the ink flowing out in a dance that has lately  been replaces with the click-click-click of the keys. Oh—this— This soulful ink that is  waiting for the dam to break———————————————— But is there a dam this time? Sure, I cried a little  at the initial break but I can’t find the tears anymore. I can’t find the anger. I can’t find the care. Could it be that I’m so  jaded that rejection is just in stride now? No. Possibly, this is a sign of growth Spiritually for me. Quite possibly all of those prayers that I covered him-us-me-him-us-me in were answered. Quite possibly this is what it is to truly “Just trust [Him].” Qu...

Every year I write a New Year's and/or birthday blog. This year is no different, except that 2016 & 31 go together and it is a bit late. So, here goes... I've been reading a lot of original and shared posts about 2016 being a terrible year and people feeling accosted by the year. 2016 was an eventful year for sure---when looking on a global, national, and spiritual scale. But to say it was the worst personally, I just can't. I can't look back be ungrateful or sad about what this year has been. Without all of the tragedy, I cannot appreciate the beauty. I cannot appreciate the growth in society or in myself without tragedy. I know this maybe sound odd, but 2016 was a year of growth. It was a year where I learned to choose me, and not in a selfish manner.  In 2016, at the age of 31... ...I ended a relationship and said to my friends "I feel like I just said no to getting married and having children." But, what I said no to was settling. What I...