What if…

What if…

What if she/he never comes back? What if….

"Does that change the sovereignty of me, God Almighty?"

"Does that change that I Am the Great I Am?"

"Does that change that I am still on the throne?"

What if the circumstances don’t change?

"Does that change Who I AM?"

"Does that change the Promises I have made?"

"Does that change My Love for you?"

What about the glimpse of hope that the circumstances are changing?

"Circumstances change with the wind, but I remain the same."

"Is your hope in Me? Or in the circumstance?" “Or in the outcome?”

“…when the test says no baby.”

"Keep your eyes on Me."

“…when the diagnosis is cancer.”

"Keep your eyes on Me."

“…when the waiting is too much.”

"Keep your eyes on Me."

“…when the betrayal knocks you on your face.”

"Keep your eyes on Me."

I know I've written posts like this before concerning hope, but this one...oh, how different this one is.  

Over the past two months, my life has changed drastically. My faith has been challenged. My Walk has gone deeper. I've been lied to, betrayed, left out, left completely alone, felt loneliness is a completely different form that I didn't even know was possible, been lied about, been chronically sad, heartbroken, lost people, --really, I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

The only constant has been Him-- in the darkness, in the sadness, in the loneliness, in the heartbreak, even while I'm sitting on a white elephant. 

Circumstances have been less than great and have resulted in major changes. However, these changes have forced me to fully rely on Him. So, have they been worth it? Should I feel guilty for saying yes when I know that these circumstances are eternally heartbreaking?

During a stormy season in life, it is hard to stay afloat sometimes. I mean I KNOW a lot about what God's Word says, but having to cling to it every day when your heart is wretched for months at a time, well that's a completely different thing. 

Circumstances come and circumstances go. But some circumstances are here for a lot longer than anyone would like. Some circumstances have rippling effects. Some circumstances take you by surprise. And then, there are those circumstances that are all of those things and more. 

The thing about it is that we want to see outward progress for our inward cries of prayer. We want to see the walls fall as we pray, but God is telling us to trust and praise Him. 

Joshua 6:1-27 tells us about the gates of Jericho and the Israelites. He commanded Joshua, “See, I have delivered Jericho into your hands, along with its king and its fighting men. 3 March around the city once with all the armed men. Do this for six days. 4 Have seven priests carry trumpets of rams’ horns in front of the ark. On the seventh day, march around the city seven times, with the priests blowing the trumpets. 5 When you hear them sound a long blast on the trumpets, have the whole army give a loud shout; then the wall of the city will collapse and the army will go up, everyone straight in.”

Obviously, there’s more to the story, but this is the very gist of it.

Let’s take a moment and pause. For six days, which I am sure it felt like more, Joshua, being obedient, led his men around the walls. Now, I imagine that people mocked and laughed at this sight. I mean, let me honest, there have been seasons where I would have been the skeptical one, the laughing one, the non-believing one screaming “this is a waste.” “This is a hopeless situation.” I have been there—and some moments, I find myself there.

However, God has ordained a season in my life where I am marching around Jericho. I am marching and it is brutal. And right now, that wall has not wavered in my eyes.  But then, I find myself singing this:

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior"

And I am immovable as I weep. For I have prayed for this season, but I did not have a clue as to how it would look. But here I am, in a land “where my trust is without borders” and “where my faith is being made stronger.”

"As Your love, in wave after wave

Crashes over me, crashes over me

For You are for us

You are not against us

Champion of Heaven

You made a way for all to enter in"

If you are on a journey similar to mine, then I want to encourage you as others have encouraged me. Praise. Pray. And don't stop either until your Jericho falls--and when that happens, keep on praising and praying. And I mean really pray---have that conversation with Him. Be real. Praise Him. Thank Him. Yes, thank Him for these such circumstances. Daily, I'm learning to do this. Maybe, we can walk this journey together.

Until next time, dearies.

" Is anyone among you suffering? Let him pray. Is anyone cheerful? Let him sing psalms.  Is anyone among you sick (spiritually or physically) Let him call for the elders of the church, and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord.  And the prayer of faith will save the sick, and the Lord will raise him up." James 5:13-15