Creeper 101
While I am in no way some relationship expert nor do I consider myself a “stop you in your tracks” kinda girl, I have had my share of run-ins with the creepers out there. I guess I just need a good sarcastic-get-this-off-my-chest (no pun intended) blog. So, please enjoy!
-I do not want to be gawked at while pumping gas, your sunglasses don’t hide your gaze that well, dude.
-While walking in the hallway, don’t click your jaw at me. I am not a horse.
-DR., please, we are co-workers, keep your hands to yourself, your eyes on my face, your nicknames like “stacked” in your head and all other sexually harassing “I could own you if I was a suing person” language to yourself, k? Thanks!
-Oh then there’s you, the one that literally pops up wherever I go and has somehow infiltrated every social networking site I am on, and feels the need to comment on everything….Precious.
-Hey There, Mr. “I’m kinda still married”, yeah I see how you keep your left hand in your pocket when you come around. I know there’s a ring on that finger, honor that commitment because if you are innocent in your “intentions” with me then you can show the band, and speak of your wife oh and the two kids you have! Yeah, I can creep too!!
-And when we have been “talking” for oh 3 days and you tell me you really feel we have a connection, honey that’s not a connection……it’s a little thing we like to call lust. Yeaaaah.
-OK, so I get it! You’re gay but why do you keep wanting to make out with me and telling me “you could be the one to make me straight.”…..um thanks? But no thanks!
-The way to a woman’s heart is not by telling her “you have an amazing speaking voice, I bet you can sing too! If you were on American Idol, I would vote for you.” Especially when I am calling you on business, you are not paying for this call by the minute, darlin’.
-When I ask for a last name, I’m not asking for a commitment, especially if you “feel that connection” and have invited me to your HOT TUB!!! Don’t add to your sketchiness!!
-Um hellooooo, you are checking me out in my license picture, please just scan my movies and let’s be on our way! Thanks “baby”!
-Excuse me, that voice you hear…yeah its coming from up here…not the girls, no matter what you think that are NOT talking to you!
-And I don’t really know who told you the red light was the place to pick up girls but honey, they lied to you……yeah, they did! mmkay.
I guess I just have to say that I think Bonnie Tyler said it best when she sang “I need a hero..." Take it away, Bonnie…….
-I do not want to be gawked at while pumping gas, your sunglasses don’t hide your gaze that well, dude.
-While walking in the hallway, don’t click your jaw at me. I am not a horse.
-DR., please, we are co-workers, keep your hands to yourself, your eyes on my face, your nicknames like “stacked” in your head and all other sexually harassing “I could own you if I was a suing person” language to yourself, k? Thanks!
-Oh then there’s you, the one that literally pops up wherever I go and has somehow infiltrated every social networking site I am on, and feels the need to comment on everything….Precious.
-Hey There, Mr. “I’m kinda still married”, yeah I see how you keep your left hand in your pocket when you come around. I know there’s a ring on that finger, honor that commitment because if you are innocent in your “intentions” with me then you can show the band, and speak of your wife oh and the two kids you have! Yeah, I can creep too!!
-And when we have been “talking” for oh 3 days and you tell me you really feel we have a connection, honey that’s not a connection……it’s a little thing we like to call lust. Yeaaaah.
-OK, so I get it! You’re gay but why do you keep wanting to make out with me and telling me “you could be the one to make me straight.”…..um thanks? But no thanks!
-The way to a woman’s heart is not by telling her “you have an amazing speaking voice, I bet you can sing too! If you were on American Idol, I would vote for you.” Especially when I am calling you on business, you are not paying for this call by the minute, darlin’.
-When I ask for a last name, I’m not asking for a commitment, especially if you “feel that connection” and have invited me to your HOT TUB!!! Don’t add to your sketchiness!!
-Um hellooooo, you are checking me out in my license picture, please just scan my movies and let’s be on our way! Thanks “baby”!
-Excuse me, that voice you hear…yeah its coming from up here…not the girls, no matter what you think that are NOT talking to you!
-And I don’t really know who told you the red light was the place to pick up girls but honey, they lied to you……yeah, they did! mmkay.
I guess I just have to say that I think Bonnie Tyler said it best when she sang “I need a hero..." Take it away, Bonnie…….
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