And Then There Was Grace….
First, let me start off with a disclaimer that this is in no way a blog to tap into your sympathy or pity for me however it is a very personal and raw blog. If this was a Law and Order blog, it would be an SVU story. And so it begins…. (Dramatic beats please)
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."
— William P. Young (The Shack)
Once again I was working in my flowerbed, alone with my thoughts, prayers and heavy heart. Lately, with my own self revelations I guess you could say I have been trying to wrap my mind around the concept of forgiveness and God’s grace. There have been many events in my life where this is a constant lesson, a daily war against my Pharisee flesh, thinking I am better than the next person because I don’t do this or I do this. While I could use many examples of what I am about to share without being so personal, I am using my personal experience only because it is an example of just how GREAT and how BIG my God is.
A little over two years ago I was raped. That’s the only detail I will share but it’s a huge detail of a defining moment in my life. Sometimes I feel like that I am just now dealing with some of the emotions where that is concerned, but one thing that I have learned is no matter how dark your days get, you are NEVER alone. God has been so gracious and merciful to me in ways that words can not express and I can not WAIT to see My Jesus face to face! Through this event I have learned a lot about myself and people in general. One thing, how pious and Pharisee-like I can be as a human being, disgusting, I know!
One area that makes me completely astounded where grace is concerned is the fact that I there will be people from all walks of life in heaven with me. Yes, I will be in heaven even with murderers, thieves, rapists and pedophiles. God’s love and grace knows no boundaries. Our flesh does not really like that reality but that is the reality of God’s grace; that no matter what sins have been committed when you humbly repent and accept His gift of Grace and forgiveness and enter into a relationship with Him, you too can inherit the kingdom of God. Maybe you are like me and you do not think this is fair? Well, the still small voice has reminded me that I am no better than the least of these that I am too, the least of these. I am no more deserving of God’s love and grace than “they” are. I am no better than the person who raped me 2 years ago. I am no better than the terrorists of the 9/11 attack. I am no better than the drug addict next door or the person on death row. I am no better than the child molester living in the next neighborhood. I was created as an equal with everyone in this world in God’s image, and THAT is how He sees me. He died on the cross for my rapist just as much as he died on the cross for me. And should my rapist find the Lord, which the Holy Spirit has helped pray for as much, then… I will share eternity with him as well.
I am moved to tears at this reality. I am not angry; that does not mean that there are days when I don’t fight that battle and throw my hands up and curse the very ground I walk on; but its then that I am brought once again to the end of myself…to my knees in wonder and amazement of God’s love and His unending Grace.
I think when we can reach the end of our Pharisee/pious fleshly way of thinking that these people just need to be locked up or put to death or whatever else we are ALL guilty of saying and thinking when we see the nightly news, and we can see these people and pray for them in spite of our own uneducated stereotypes and judgments, then we can really begin to see the complicated yet perfectly simple beauty of God’s grace.
I don’t want you to walk away from this blog thinking I have this all figured out. Please know that I am in no way trying to give that impression, in fact it’s the exact opposite. I am still learning. Conflicted but hopeful, tearful because I know God loves me enough to extend His grace to me and to my rapist. Thankful that He died not only for me, but for him too; Thankful that He knows what’s behind my tears, thankful that He has brought me to a place where I can truly say I forgive my rapist and hopes he finds God too. It does not make what happened right or inexcusable by any means because I know it broke the heart of My Jesus more than it broke mine, I know He too felt the pain with me, but by me learning how to daily forgive this person, I am no longer under the control of the anger and bitterness that resulted. “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat."
— William P. Young (The Shack)
I highly recommend the book “The Shack”, God used it in a mighty way in my life; sure read it with discernment just like you would any other book.
"Just because I work incredible good out of unspeakable tragedies doesn't mean I orchestrate the tragedies. Don't ever assume that my using something means I caused it or that I need it to accomplish my purposes. That will only lead you to false notions about me. Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering you will find grace in many facets and colors."
— William P. Young (The Shack)
Once again I was working in my flowerbed, alone with my thoughts, prayers and heavy heart. Lately, with my own self revelations I guess you could say I have been trying to wrap my mind around the concept of forgiveness and God’s grace. There have been many events in my life where this is a constant lesson, a daily war against my Pharisee flesh, thinking I am better than the next person because I don’t do this or I do this. While I could use many examples of what I am about to share without being so personal, I am using my personal experience only because it is an example of just how GREAT and how BIG my God is.
A little over two years ago I was raped. That’s the only detail I will share but it’s a huge detail of a defining moment in my life. Sometimes I feel like that I am just now dealing with some of the emotions where that is concerned, but one thing that I have learned is no matter how dark your days get, you are NEVER alone. God has been so gracious and merciful to me in ways that words can not express and I can not WAIT to see My Jesus face to face! Through this event I have learned a lot about myself and people in general. One thing, how pious and Pharisee-like I can be as a human being, disgusting, I know!
One area that makes me completely astounded where grace is concerned is the fact that I there will be people from all walks of life in heaven with me. Yes, I will be in heaven even with murderers, thieves, rapists and pedophiles. God’s love and grace knows no boundaries. Our flesh does not really like that reality but that is the reality of God’s grace; that no matter what sins have been committed when you humbly repent and accept His gift of Grace and forgiveness and enter into a relationship with Him, you too can inherit the kingdom of God. Maybe you are like me and you do not think this is fair? Well, the still small voice has reminded me that I am no better than the least of these that I am too, the least of these. I am no more deserving of God’s love and grace than “they” are. I am no better than the person who raped me 2 years ago. I am no better than the terrorists of the 9/11 attack. I am no better than the drug addict next door or the person on death row. I am no better than the child molester living in the next neighborhood. I was created as an equal with everyone in this world in God’s image, and THAT is how He sees me. He died on the cross for my rapist just as much as he died on the cross for me. And should my rapist find the Lord, which the Holy Spirit has helped pray for as much, then… I will share eternity with him as well.
I am moved to tears at this reality. I am not angry; that does not mean that there are days when I don’t fight that battle and throw my hands up and curse the very ground I walk on; but its then that I am brought once again to the end of myself…to my knees in wonder and amazement of God’s love and His unending Grace.
I think when we can reach the end of our Pharisee/pious fleshly way of thinking that these people just need to be locked up or put to death or whatever else we are ALL guilty of saying and thinking when we see the nightly news, and we can see these people and pray for them in spite of our own uneducated stereotypes and judgments, then we can really begin to see the complicated yet perfectly simple beauty of God’s grace.
I don’t want you to walk away from this blog thinking I have this all figured out. Please know that I am in no way trying to give that impression, in fact it’s the exact opposite. I am still learning. Conflicted but hopeful, tearful because I know God loves me enough to extend His grace to me and to my rapist. Thankful that He died not only for me, but for him too; Thankful that He knows what’s behind my tears, thankful that He has brought me to a place where I can truly say I forgive my rapist and hopes he finds God too. It does not make what happened right or inexcusable by any means because I know it broke the heart of My Jesus more than it broke mine, I know He too felt the pain with me, but by me learning how to daily forgive this person, I am no longer under the control of the anger and bitterness that resulted. “Forgiveness is not about forgetting. It is about letting go of another person's throat."
— William P. Young (The Shack)
I highly recommend the book “The Shack”, God used it in a mighty way in my life; sure read it with discernment just like you would any other book.
Comments