Success!

After long hours, hardly a social life, and literal tears my first semester back in college is completed with success!! Finishing my first semester with three Bs and one A is a big accomplishment especially being that last time I was a student at LSUA I could not have cared less and my grades certainly showed as much. So what's different?? This time around I have a few life experiences under my belt. I am not focused on just getting an "mrs" degree. I know now what I want to do. I have direction. Seriously, at 18 who really knows what they want to do?? I thought I did at 18, oddly enough it's the same major I started with that I am now completing  I think years ago I was just in a rut. I remember things were happening way to fast for me. I don't deal well with change something I did not realize about myself at 18 but later in life(this is making me sound really old) change and I are not the best of friends. There's my confession of the month! at 18 I did not know who I was. I was stuck in that Britney spears song "not a girl, not yet a woman" phase and I was still learning who I was as an individual person and not as a part of a really big group of friends. I was learning about my own beliefs and feelings on topics rather than relying on what my parents views were and dealing with the inner conflict when mine did not align with theirs anymore. I went through this feminist phase and honestly I can't really say that I ever fully let go of that but thats me. I went through phases tossing back and forth different feelings about different world and socioeconomic issues and how I really felt about them. A lot of times even to this day I still feel like a walking contradiction. A walking oxymoron where my inner feminist rivals against my inner submissive proverbs 31 and where my liberal side comes out against the strict conservative religious zealot. However, when the inner conflicts come between what I believe and feel and what I FEEL like I should believe and feel I know that all that matters is who I am in Christ.
This college go around I am more comfortable in my own skin. I go to class because I have a thirst for knowledge and something more. I have a direction and I have goals. I see the professors as people who are there to help and challenge me in my education not roadblocks to my goal, seriously this was a big thing for me! I have thought and been asked about why I didn't finish college the first time and if there are any regrets: let's see, I didn't finish because honestly I was just wasting my time and money. I did not care at that point. In hindsight sure I might would have gone off to college instead but I do not regret my decision to stay. The roads that life has taken me down have made me who I am today so while it may have taken me a few extra trials and bumps in the road to figure some things out all in all I am thankful for every heartache that got me to today. As cliche as it sounds, I would not be who I am today without them.
So, with a successful semester under my belt, I am looking forward to the future including the changes that it brings! For now I am enjoying my summer being a part time nanny to two precious boys who are teaching me a lot and it's only week one!!