Wavering Faith and the Saints

“Faith untested is dead.”

 (This semester my faith has been tested, but nothing out of the ordinary than any other test of faith. Well, maybe so because now I have this football analogy that ties into another parallel.)
If you know anything about me, you know that I am an avid football fan. That gold runs in my blood for my Louisiana teams, so you can safely assume that this season starter was heartbreaking for my Saints. Week after week, I watched, hoping we would prevail with a “win,” yet, week after week, in a heart wrenching manner, we gained another “L.” Some games were so close, I could taste sweet victory like a beignet from Café Du Monde and then, in the last seconds it was a bitter reality of 0-1; 0-2; 0-3; 0-4.

I saw rants of people threatening paper bags, calling my boys the “Aints,”  bandwagon fans showed their true colors. In my own rants, all I could think about is my spiritual faith. “What do I do when my faith in God wavers like my faith in the Saints? Do I still believe when logic says ‘no?’ Do I look like a fool wearing my black and gold cheering for my team? (Yes, but I do it anyway)” I will “stand” before you and say that yes my faith has wavered, my faith has been challenged, but because of those things, my faith has grown.
 
I came to the realization that sometimes winning looks a little different, and I am not talking about the Charlie Sheen sense of “winning.” I am talking about winning in the game of life, winning in the personal battles; winning in the southern culture as a single woman in her late twenties. (There, I said it!) Then, I was reminded of a sweet, moment on a plane ride last spring.

I was flying with two classmates to Lubbock, Texas. The plane was awkwardly quiet while my insides were frantic. The ride was very bumpy, for this girl at least! Gaining altitude, through the clouds, hitting air pockets, seemingly dropping thousands of feet (which I am sure we didn’t at all!!), and the ride was up and down, up and down, kind of like life. I remember looking out the window and thinking “Wow, it looks like we are barely moving.” Then, as if on cue, that still small voice stirred within, “Kind of like My timing. My timing doesn’t always look like you are progressing, but I’ve got this. The clouds are the dust of My feet. THAT’S how big I Am.” (What?!!?) I listened earnestly and thought, “I just hopped on this plane, trusting that the pilot knows what he’s doing, where he’s going, citing that he could probably fly this plane in his sleep. Yet, when it comes to life, I am not so trusting of the One who placed it all into motion when it comes to certain aspects.”

My faith grew, in that moment. It is a moment that I have to remind myself of, a moment that reminded me that, sometimes our view, my view, of winning or success doesn’t line up with everyone else’s; sometimes, and in my case, most times, I am on a completely different path than those around me; sometimes, it’s hard not to throw in the towel and scream “This is crazy!!!”; then there are those moments, when I am at my weakest, my breaking point, when the time clock is running out and I really need a touchdown pass; sometimes I get it and other times I get an incompletion or a field goal. And, it may not seem like a win to everyone else, but it’s my win. Why? Because my faith grew; because my faith grows; Ultimately, I am thankful that my faith is tested; it reminds me that my faith is alive and evolving; that my faith is not stagnant. More than that, it reminds me that the One whom my faith is in is not dead.