Paging Embarassment to the ERrah

It was last Friday and I woke up like any other morning, moving around but not really focusing on anything, going through the motions if you will. I had a pretty bad headache so I took some medicine, got ready for work and went on my way.

On the way to work I started to experience the worst chest pain ...it wasn't like indigestion or anything I have ever felt. I began to become short of breath, trying to stay calm and take deep breaths I felt as if I could not get enough oxygen in my lungs.

I got to work and barely made it into my office. I sat at my desk with my good friend Shanna, hoping it would pass. About twenty minutes later when the pain was blinding me and moving to my shoulders, I decided to go to the ER. It should be noted that I have a MAJOR complex about going to the ER or even my doctor for any type of pain! I guess that comes from being the daughter of a nurse and seeing just about every chart that comes into the ER. After almost passing out on Shanna three times and refusing a wheelchair because THAT would cause a scene (obviously me passing out and possibly gashing my head open and them calling a "code" on the overhead speaker system, would NOT have caused a scene....)we made it to the ER.

BTW: for those of you who do not know, I work with these ER staff and doctors on a daily basis so as if my complex needed ANY more feeding, here we go!

I check into ER, they bring me to TRAUMA room 21, yes I said TRAUMA (please, people!!!) A guy who has previously "clicked" at me like one would "click" at a horse to giddyup comes in and tells me he is going to do an EKG and I need to get into "that gown". I won't spend alot of time of those fashion atrocities they call "one size fits barbie" gowns however, I think I am going into business to redesign hospital gowns. I truly believe if they were in the least bit cute a patient's mental status would be better thus helping the healing process entirely. Tell me I am not right??? Think, if you are in the hospital you already feel terrible and people are always in and out of your room...then they make you wear this drab gown that barely ties in the right places where you are pretty much showing off your goodies. SO, if you had a fashionable (let's even say a bedazzled) yet practical hospital gown I bet you really would GET WELL SOON!!!

Sorry, my dear readers for THAT tangent!!! SO, I am there in my gown and undies and he comes back in, maybe you've had an EKG, so you know what I will be talking about... When you have an EKG they have to put these leads in the most um, inconspicuous places. Like under a certain chest body part (I don't want my blog flagged for inappropriate subject matter, so use your imaginations)SO, I am there and he is moving around my "chest goodies" or this is for you, Mandy my "teets" placing leads and all I can think is "Oh how I hate my life right now!! I see these people everyday!!" He then moves to place two leads on my ankles, he throws back the covers and I mentally say "Thank you Lord that I wore capri's yesterday and my legs are half shaved!!" (Don't you judge me!! Like you've never just shaved up to your knee?!?!) Test is over in about 30 seconds (EKG came back "perfect" and "beautiful" as I was told by the doctor) SO, now we have to pull the leads off and there's more arranging of body parts and again I....HATE my life!

SO, as with any ER we wait and wait some more. EKG and chest x-rays were fine so was the D-Dimer test that was checking for a blood clot in my lung! Praise the Lord!! Turns out it was chest wall pain and my chest muscles were inflammed causing the severe pain that eventually was shooting through to my back.....look if its weird, it will happen to me!! OK?

So, now the doctor wants to give me a shot! Oh GOODY! But no, the doctor isnt going to but the HOTT ER nurse that I see almost everyday...yeah he's going to give me a shot! Oh where?? in the arm?? no of course not, this is Faith we are talking about....of course it's going to be a shot of Toradol by the HOTT nurse in my badonkadonk!!! "OH Thank GOODNESS today was a cute undie day and not a maw-maw undie day!!" I thought as I rolled over into a vulnerable position. He's making small talk and a joke that he's about to give me a shot in my ACE; I look at my mother who is LOVING this and mouth "I hate my life!!!" After he left, I told my mother that I truly did hate my life today because I see those people EVERYDAY. Her response "Faith, they see body parts all day, its nothing to them." My reply "Betty, they do not see MY body parts all day! But now when they see my FACE everyday they will be reminded of today, when they got to see and even touch my body parts!!SO, I Hate my life right now!!"

So, moral of the story? There is none. Why did I blog about this? Who knows! But maybe it made you chuckle on this work day or maybe I just needed to share what may have been a very embarrassing day in the ER. I'll keep you all posted on whether they look at me differently now.........