Hope: It is a Good Thing

The thought process behind this blog started months ago. There are random pieces of it in the notes app on my phone. However, I put the pen to paper the night before Easter because there was a stirring; yet, I could not finish the blog. I could not process it to an end. I had no idea why. I, also, had no idea what the week after Easter held for me. Funny, how that timing thing works, huh?

 It has been a few weeks—months—since I have put my heart to paper through ink—even longer since the ink turned into Times New Roman on the computer screen. Once again, this is a journey that parallels life, for I am not real sure where it will lead.

It is the night before Easter 2014. There’s no Easter bunny visiting once again this year. There are no eggs to hide and no chocolate bunny. But, there is the promise of Sunday morning, figuratively speaking. I was pondering how Mary, Martha, and the rest of Jesus’ followers must have felt on this night so many years ago. They had seen the Lover of their Soul beaten and crucified. Yes, there was the prophecy that He would rise again—and He did—but was their faith strong? Or did it waver? What about their hope? Did they have enough?

Here I am, living in a post Resurrection Sunday world, and my faith and hope waver. I can’t imagine the hopelessness they felt. Then again, maybe I do…

Hope.

Webster tells us that to hope is “to cherish or desire with anticipation; to expect with confidence.” The Bible has scripture after scripture referencing hope.

My question here is: Is there such a thing as false hope? If the thing that gives hope doesn’t come to pass, was the hope false? Or did it just strengthen the feather that is hope? Or maybe, could it mean that our hope is/was in a temporary thing, person, or event and not in the One who is the author of hope and life? Can one have too much hope? Can hope cloud sound judgment? Is hope debilitating or revitalizing?

So, that’s where the blog stopped Saturday night. I literally couldn’t process anymore as I pondered the questions staring at me. Then, the heartbreak came---again.

So, there was this guy that I dated for about 8 months last year. In November, things got too real and he got scared and “punked out.” I moved on. I graduated. I started teaching. I moved. I moved on and lived life. I was not ready to write about it---which one could assume is how I deal with things---yes, I am the Taylor Swift of the blogsphere. So, then I wrote him a letter, ya know, one of those letters that never gets mailed. I still had a lot of questions, but I was in a good place. He came back. (Curse those bloody snow days!!!) He came back humble, apologetic, full of hope, and full of promises. We talked. We talked a lot. I met his family. (I am not going into huge detail here for obvious reasons.) We were planning a future that involved a wedding, a house, and babies. Everything I have ever wanted. Long story short, he became very selfish with his time. A month went by where I did not see him, yes he travels with his job, but choosing mud fest and other activities with the guys is just not the relationship I want when it would be another month before we would see each other again. We were having trouble this week after Easter. Then, he supposedly found out that he supposedly was going to be a father. No worries, I am not preggo. Yeah.

So, all THAT to say I quickly lost hope.  I quickly felt my heart shatter into a million little jagged pieces. I quickly became sick with swollen eyes as I heaved the grief of a lost future.

There I was feeling very much hopeless, like a future had been robbed from me. Then, the blog that I could not finish made sense. I was in a hopeless moment of life and boy was it dark. I had to search and refocus where my hope really was. I felt as if I was living post Good Friday, but Pre-Sunday morning. I know God has promised to fulfill the desires of my heart, but my heart was in jagged pieces. Suddenly, I was questioning if my faith was strong enough to weather this storm. Was as my hope enough?

I was reminded that if he indeed did father another child---God has a plan for that child and for him. (That’s sobering.)

I was reminded that God does have a plan for me---even in this shock!

I was reminded that this, though it rocked my world, did not take God by surprise. (And isn’t that comforting?)

I was reminded that I have am surrounded by the best people on this planet.

I was reminded that I was not a fool for giving it another chance---he is the fool for letting me go---again.

“Don’t feel like a fool. You had hope and hope is a good thing.”—BR

I was reminded that this is a closed chapter---not the end of my world or future.

“I am proud of you for being 100% real and honest when you could have been bitter and untrusting.”-EC

So, is there such a thing as false hope? –No, but there is such a thing of the focus of our hope being off.

If the thing that gives hope doesn’t come to pass, was the hope false? Or did it just strengthen the feather that is hope? Or maybe, could it mean that our hope is/was in a temporary thing, person, or event and not in the One who is the author of hope and life?—It is so easy for our hope---my hope to be misplaced.

Can one have too much hope? Can hope cloud sound judgment? —No, hope is the backbone to life. What is life without hope? We have to use our common sense and realize when it is time to let go---not of hope, but in the person or event that our hope has surrounded.

Is hope debilitating or revitalizing?—Let me tell you, being without hope is debilitating.

I know He is faithful to continue smoothing the jagged pieces of my heart---believe me, I can already feel it. Hence this blog post. I know He is faithful for the pain to not be in vain and I am thankful for such. My journey is a hopeful one and that is all I can really ask for at this time. I don’t know if my two readers have ever wondered about hope, especially in the middle of some sort of heartache. But, I have to believe that I can’t be the only one that has seen the hopeless dark pit of life.

Until next time, Dearies!

P.S.I will say that I have definitely moved from the Taylor Swift level of breakup to the Miranda Lambert level of breakup---either way, there’s hope.