Thirty

30
There it is.
Staring me in the face------taunting me.
Laughing that sinister laugh.

30

"Age is just a number."
"Age is a state of mind."

“You will be a real grown up now.”

“Thirty is the new twenty.”

“Everything starts falling apart after 30 hits.”

I've been told both of these recently when mentioning my dread of turning 30.

When I've pictured 30, it never looked like this----seriously.

30

30 looked a lot more June Cleaveresque, not this modern, independent stuck-in-a-world-where-literally-everyone-around-me-is-June-Cleavering-it-up view I'm living. And instead of having 1-2 children running around or at the very least a sparkly ring on my hand, I'm texting my bestie about freezing eggs and sperm donors (By the way, we're curious.  Is there a magazine of donors one chooses from??)

30---if I keep saying it, it will become easier to swallow, right?!?! 

Thirty-Thirty-30-Thirty-30-Thirty-30

“And so I cradled my midnight questions while mamas cradled their babies, and I let God’s psalms tell me He cradled the answer in Himself.” --Every Bitter Thing is Sweet

Turning 30 isn’t what I thought it would be, but right now, in this season, I can truly say I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Yes, I want the husband and babies and crazy ball field schedule, but right now I am here in this season and it is beautiful. 

I know who I am. Like really know what I like, don't like, who I am as Fefe, Faith, and Ms. Normand (aka Nora). I am experiencing life with my sister as my roommate. (Y’all it’s a hoot and a half!! Someone should be filming! She loves it, I promise.) 

I have the best kids one could ever ask for; seriously I am a little worried I won’t like the next group as much. (Is this a common thing for teachers?) I am surrounded by the best family and friends. I get the bed to myself. No one is waking me up for juice at 5:30 am (but my bladder does that). I get to "do what I want," as my students say. I get to travel and I love to travel. I am the one and only Fefe to the most precious babes. And I get sweet messages like this that really make me appreciate this season.

Instead of wallowing in what I don’t have, I am wallowing in what I do have: a rare opportunity that will one day not be my reality.

My 20’s have been good with every ounce of life soaked up in them. There have highs, lows, love, heartache, trials, and lessons that have all lead me here to where I am in life. I can truly say that this is the first time in my life I truly feel content and know this is EXACTLY where I am supposed to be for this season.

Well, I must stop this birthday ramble because I REFUSE to enter my thirties with these gray hairs. It is so bad!! 

So long 20s, and  let’s roll 30s!

Until next time dearies….

P.S. I will keep you updated on the sperm shopping.