Phenomenally Not Me

Phenomenally Not Me

"That's not me. I mean I like it, but I can’t relate. I don't feel like that. I don't see myself as pretty and I don't have the confidence she walks around with." she said. And my heart cracked a little.  

As I swallowed back the tears that formed, I wanted to grab her and tell her she was beautiful—that she was phenomenal—that her story was worth being told. I wanted to tell her that we have failed her.  

"I get what she's saying. I want to be that, but I only see what I'm not in the mirror."

From there, my classroom turned into a heart to heart between young ladies about the pressures of this world. And from there, I was able to sit back and I knew exactly how to finish the following letter.

Dear Teenage Girl,

I see you walk these halls hiding behind a facade. 

I see the unhealthy relationship you let define you. 

I see the drive in you to be wanted. Loved. Accepted. 

I see the twinge in your smile when someone mentions something about sexuality or race.

I see you squirm.

I see you try to be comfortable in your own skin, but really you are trying on different fads for size. 

I see you stare across the room at him. At her. I see you try not to look too into what we are reading.

I see you down play how smart you are.

But more importantly, I see you.

You may think you are just another piece of data in my room, but that is the last identifier I would ever place on you. 

I'm sorry that we have failed you. We have created unattainable standards of beauty. We have created and accepted a lifestyle that succumbs you to the pressures of adulthood before you’re even a full-grown teenager. We have ignored that you are a human with real feelings. We have painted a false picture of what life is. 

Life is hard. Life is work. And, life is short. Soak up every experience—even the bad. Don’t let anyone or any event define you. Rather, you choose how it is defined in your life. Learn. Every day is full of choices, experiences, and lessons. 

No matter what new fad is rolling throughout the social media waves, decide for yourself if you like it. Don’t let others decide for you. Know that no amount of highlighter, contouring, tanning, or perfectly defined eyebrows will ever make you more beautiful than you are when you genuinely smile, laugh, and learn.

Submerse yourself in your education. Never down play how smart you are. Being called a nerd is a compliment. It takes a weak person to be intimidated by someone’s intellect. 

Take time to have fun and truly know who you are before knowing who you are in a relationship. Relationships are work—much more work than what you need to be worried about at this time. 

And lastly, don’t rush your time in high school away because of petty people. Honey, petty people never graduate when they leave high school. You will always have people who try to belittle and stir mess. You will always meet an adversary. You must be strong. You must be confident. You must define who you are and rise above. 

Be phenomenal—because thats what I see when I look at you. 

-Fe