Naked Realization: "It's not me, it's you"

(This post has been in the making for about a year and it may seem random and all over the place.)

   I have heard this line enough. No, it’s not the reverse cliché you usually hear. You know the one, the "Oh, you are a great person, it’s me. REALLY, it’s me not you."........................(dramatic pause for the load of crock you are swallowing)...................Let's try this. Let's try the truth; we are both adults here right? Let's try it...say it after me..."Hey! I'm just not interested." .....And we are both still breathing, imagine that.

    We are all guilty of this, myself included, this mode of making ourselves feel better for rejecting someone. Truth is, rejection is fact of life so, buck up and just say it!! Stop the bull of taking it on yourself. Buck up! "No, it’s really you. You creep me out."  (I probably should have told a lot of people this one.)

    On more than one occasion I have heard different versions of this, "You are one of a kind. You are too awesome to 'just date'. I don't want to mess things up with you.“ (Blah, Blah, Blah!)

   I guess my thought here is "Seriously!?!?"

There's the guy who is already waiting for you to walk down the aisle, seriously the wedding napkins are already ordered.

There's the guy who is insecure and brings his son on the date then proceeds to ignore your existence.

There's the guy who is fickle; hot and cold and it's the most annoying game ever played.

There's the guy who "really likes you" and you both really hit it off except there's one problem: he's scared to feel anything because of a past hurt and ding ding ding: you make him feel something so you’re cut off. Just like that out, without a real explanation just the "you're too awesome" spill.

And if you are in an actual relationship that is less than what makes you happy, less than what you deserve, less than 50/50 or too much compromise on one part, then it might be time for a change.

     Sometimes you have to look at yourself standing naked in front of a mirror and say aloud "I deserve better than this." It's not a matter of whose fault it is for the relationship realization. It's not a matter of "he said she said “or” it’s not you, it’s me" but maybe, just maybe it IS you and it IS me. It may break your heart to realize that your counterpart is actually better as "just a friend" even if it’s a best friend; it may break your heart to think about waking up to another; or missing those phone calls. Truth is, deep down you probably knew this was over long before this naked realization in the mirror. Truth is, it does not scare you as much as you thought it would. Truth is, it is almost a relief and gives hope for a better tomorrow; not that today or yesterday was terrible, but that you know there’s' something else out there for you...in the heart of someone else; and you know that to be true also for your partner. This, this is love; knowing there’s better out there for both of you; and courage, courage to take the first step alone.

    There comes a point on the journey of love, that you will do anything to keep your partner, if you truly believe they are your forever. Both parties will equally meet in the middle no matter how menial you think the issue is, you are open and willing to talk. You believe they are the sexiest person in the world and consider yourself lucky to hold their hand, to laugh with them riding down the road and sometimes your breath is taken away because they are yours.

    And sometimes, this naked realization comes and you realize you are the only one working in this relationship...well; really you are the only one in the relationship.

    The cold hard truth comes rushing over you, that while your breath may be taken away, their breathing never changed. Then comes the courage to take the first step...alone... And the hope for a forever full of better tomorrows.

    And one day, you'll look back on this and be thankful for every break in your heart, the severed relationships and realize that on the worst of days with your forever, it’s still better than the best of your yesterdays.