Here We Go Again....

It’s been almost a year. Today I saw a school bus and my first thought was “Aw, its Caldwell’s first school year without my Uncle Doug.” That’s when it hit me, no this is their second year without him. It’s been almost a year since his death, quickly followed by the year marker of Aunt Betty’s death. Tomorrow, I go to Aunt Betty’s love’s wake followed by his funeral Thursday morning. Right at a year and here we go again, back to the graves of loved ones that I have barely been able to mourn. A year. Where has it gone? I feel as if I lost a year. Sure this past year has been full of many great things but overall, a year since I lost you two? It can’t be. Just yesterday…….I was sitting at the dinner table eating some good home cookin with Aunt Betty before Uncle Doug’s retirement party. That party was just last June, when you both were healthy, for all intensive purposes at least.
I am not sure a tear will be shed for Aunt Betty’s love that has passed on, not for any other reason that we were not that close. My heart aches for his kids, grandkids and great grandkids, who just a few months ago buried their mother and grandmother. I think the tears shed this week, if any, will be more so for the two cornerstones I lost last fall. A delayed mourn filled with sympathy, to say the least. I know they are all in a better place where there is no time and it literally was just yesterday when they were able to see Jesus face to face. I know seeing their graves in less than 48 hours will be a gush of reality. A reality where my strong Uncle Doug is not patrolling the streets of Columbia, Louisiana and not working the school bus stops for the Columbia’s future. A reality where my Aunt Betty is not cooking 25 sweet potato pies on Thanksgiving to feed her family and where she is not just a phone call away for her only remaining sister, Margie. A harsh reality I will face but time will march on leaving these loved ones in the past as I try, a year later, to mourn and pick up the pieces from the last year when so much has fallen apart.
So, here we go again, my faint heart, saying goodbye, comforting and tending those who hurt; here we go again shoulders, time to buck up for a lot of weight you will carry these next few days; here we go again, life, I just ask that this season not be a repeat of last year’s season.

Comments

Jodi said…
Let me know if you need anything. I am here for you.
TracyBlalock said…
I'm so sorry, Faith. I understand what it means to lose and also what it means to have to "buck" up and march forward.
Faith said…
Thanks girlies!! love you both!!
Your endurance will prove you a good woman. True that!

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